Most people have a strange relationship with the word charisma. They admire it in others. They often secretly want it themselves, but they’re also a little suspicious of it.

It can feel like something reserved for performers, politicians, or “naturally magnetic” people. Something you either have or you don’t. And if you try too hard to have it, it feels fake.

So let me clear that up, based on my extensive observations and personal experience. Charisma is not a personality trait. It’s not something people are born with. It is either socialized in one direction or the other by how we were raised and how we reacted to messages that were given to us, positive or negative.

Most people have it suppressed, while a smaller group has been rewarded for their behavior, like being outgoing or not worrying about rejection or embarrassment, and it has developed into charisma.

It’s also not about needing attention. Charisma is much simpler than that. What I’ve come to realize is that charisma is the positive emotional impact you have on other people.

That’s it. It’s how people feel after interacting with you. They feel more confident. More interesting. More energized. More understood.

In short, it is created by your actions. And those actions show that you are comfortable wherever you are, and act like you belong no matter where you are. People are drawn to that, almost unconsciously.

The subtitle of my book, Superbold, is From Underconfident to Charismatic in 90 Days. But I’m not teaching you how to become charismatic. I’m teaching you to develop and expand your boldness. Because boldness is about taking action, and the result is your comfort zone expands, and your confidence increases in more and more situations.

The byproduct of that personal development is you behave like you belong wherever you are, and you are never the one stopping yourself. You project that increased comfort in every situation. The eventual result is that people experience you as charismatic.

I know this, because at some point in my life, people started referring to me as charismatic. It was not something I was aiming for. I wasn’t trying to impress people. I was just determined to live a bold life, and not stack regrets and miss opportunities because I hesitated and stopped myself.

My goal is to bring my full, open, vulnerable self to every situation. My bold behavior has a significant level of humility as part of it, because I know how much more I can become, I understand how much more I can grow, and I can endure the discomfort of my past failures as well as my future ones.

I see the difference it’s made in my life, both in my business success and my personal relationships. That’s why I’m so passionate about teaching it. My goal is not to get attention or recognition, but to impact people’s lives in a positive way, and hopefully inspire them by how far I’ve come and how far I intend to go from here.

This is what I know: true charisma is not a goal, but a byproduct of bringing your full self to every situation, being confident but humble, brave and optimistic, and never projecting that you’re better than anyone, but rather, that you want them all to join you on a journey of a regret-free life.

My book, my lectures and workshops, and now the video course that I’m launching next week are all about bringing as many people along on this exciting path to boldness. And I hope you’ll join me.

Boldness Exercise of the Week



Make a short list of people who you find charismatic. Write down how they make you feel, and the impact they’ve had on you. And then write two bold things you’re going to do this week that make you uncomfortable. Then do them! Because your bold actions will impact people in ways you may never know.

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fred@superboldlife.com

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